I was taught (thanks to my coach Roberto) that the why question, when trying to understand a problem during a communication process, is something that should be used carefully.
It automatically put your counterpart in a defense mode: when we year the magic sound of why our brain try to justify the problem/behavior with the effect of enforcing it. It’s natural, our brain look for the quickest solution to avoid pain!
At first sight, this is NOT true when we talk about technical stuff. When a technical problem occurs, it’s usually important not only to solve it but also to understand why it happened (route cause). In fact, the typical technical manager (often, in my experience, an High C), asks her team: why did it happen?
But I think that, also in this case, the why should be avoided. Because, in any case, it leads the team to find a justification more then a real cause.
So I’d probably (try to) substitute the why with a ‘what can we do to avoid the problem in the future?’, ‘how can we approach this stuff differently?’ ‘what can we do to understand the problem?’ …
In fact you are not looking for the cause just to know it, you are looking for it because you want to avoid it in the future.
Feedback?
PierG
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August 24, 2006 at 5:55 am
Blaine Collins
PierG, I think you are right that Why should usually be avoided. I see 3 different WHY questions, with the first causing the most problems.
1. Why did YOU do that? As you say, this garners a defensive reaction.
2. Why did THAT happen? This can be either for purpose of avoiding THAT in the future,as you say, OR to be able to replicate THAT in the future, because it had a positive outcome.
3. Finally, the innocent WHY. My 4-year asks “Daddy WHY?” questions about every other minute these days when his brain is cranking. He is not pointing fingers. He is seeking information, seeking to understand.
I have known only a few people in business to have a talent for asking the innocent, information-seeking Why. These few are invaluable because they move their teams forward without generating defensive reactions.
October 29, 2006 at 4:36 pm
(luKa)
Problemi di comunicazione?
November 3, 2006 at 5:04 pm
Is ‘why?’ the right question to facilitate teamwork « PierG (aka Piergiorgio Grossi)
[...] In this post The why question a barrier to effective communication I explain how this kind of question automatically raise our barriers and usually doesn’t facilitate solution finding. That’s why I don’t like it. [...]
December 22, 2009 at 5:19 am
Damien Nunes
Maybe the defensive reactions generate a mistrust among people. They feel that you are behaving like a authority. (someone that knows better) People have to comply to your thaughts and people we have defensive reaction often distrust or blindly believe the things they say to each other.
I think it is often very important to choose what you want and not what somebody else wants. The why question is something for yourself but in situation where you can’t answer a why question you can use somebody you trust to help you on your journey. Every why question has an answer which leads into a new why question. You can come to the core of the problems. And this can be very useful for the big problems in life which you worry about.
When you are at the core you can built the solution by asking the how question. But first there must be full a understanding to answer a question to a problem.
By using this method I gave meaning to my life. No god, no love etc but I know what it’s really about for ME. This believe I have in myself is my fulfilling in happiness. (This with the understanding that man/animals/universe isn’t perfect.)
If you are fully aware of the imperfection of yourself you will feel that you are alive. A setback and something positive makes you feel alive. If this makes you feel alive you don’t want to be death. You have to live your life as vived as you can because YOU have given the chance to enjoy life. Don’t do it half. Live life to the fullest or don’t live life. Even if death is immanent you wil have to fight for the last breath of life. Life is about your needs and your happiness.
There is no way to end your life. Because than life has no value. There is always a way to find a equilibrium. The awkward becoming familiar. You have to respect the will to live. A strong ego will live forever. A strong ego wil fight for his primal needs to survive. Food, Air, Water etc he will put his last energy in to it to survive. Even if it means his death. The will to live longer in such a situation is important.
December 30, 2010 at 9:19 am
The Winner of 2010 is … « PierG (aka Piergiorgio Grossi)
[...] The ‘why’ question: a barrier to effective communication? [...]
March 1, 2011 at 2:37 am
Damien Nunes
OThe why-question tries to find the most logical answer.
Why did the plane crashed?
Immediately you pose the question how can a plane crash?
Answer 1
Answer 2
Answer 3
Etc
Then you check your answers with the data you have got.
After the how-answer you can pose another why question and the process begins again.
Why did the engine die?
How can a engine die? No fuel, engine damage, bird etc
Crosscheck data with possibilities.
Conclusion: Because it didn’t received any fuel?
Why did the engine had no fuel?
…..
…..
…..
Why?
…..
….
….
Why?
After a while you get your final answer/justification. But you have a whole process where you can reflect on. You get a understanding how this problem could occur. And yes the main cause was pointed out but you can see other possibilities for the same problem.
People must understand that not only the main cause is important but the whole sequence of effects that caused it.
The reason why you pose the problem is because you want a solution for it. And you can give a solution if you are aware of the cause of the problem. The best way to understand what is wrong is by using the why and how in this fashion. It’s effective and structured and gives a broad vision of what is possible.
How can we avoid this problem? poses the question: what is the problem, what is the cause for the problem and then with the awareness find a solution for the problem. Either fix the main cause or change something in the process that leads to the problem so that the main cause is isolated from the problem.